We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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