it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
