The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
