remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize