a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
