It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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