dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
