I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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