adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
