for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
