My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
pop tarts are not kleenex
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
