I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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