I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
