Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
