This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
