Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
