the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
