You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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