I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
