Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Jerry, you need to find god
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
