i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
