And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
