Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
