Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
