And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
