he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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