If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize