And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's shark week go big or go home
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
