So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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