before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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