Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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