I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
