Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
