I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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