The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
