Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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