In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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