I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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