The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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