i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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