her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
