i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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