Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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