who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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