his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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