In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've blown a few things in my day
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
