There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
