He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
