I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
