Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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