my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
