i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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