how can u be prego again
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
