a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
