He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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