Someone shit on the floor
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How does one acquire holy water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize