you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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