quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
