All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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