On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
