Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
