Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
