we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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