I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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