so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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