at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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