her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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