Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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