I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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