well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
